In relationships where domestic violence is an issue, the resulting violence obviously produces an excruciating, and sometimes deadly, consequence. Although this violence is abhorrent, it is a by-product of another issue. Limiting the focus to the physical violence in these relationships does not adequately address or eliminate this problem.
The dynamics of domestic violence are extremely complex. At the core of every domestic violence relationship resides the overwhelming need for one partner to exert control, ownership, or power over the other. The methods and means through which this controlling partner exerts, maintains, or regains power is through abuse. Although physical abuse is a very effective method used to assert control, in domestic violence relationships, violence is not the only abuse. Abuse is manifested in other ways as well.
Physical Abuse:
Violence: This includes beating, slapping, punching, kicking, choking, biting, pushing, slashing, stabbing, shooting, hair-pulling and other means
Menacing: Threatening with a weapon or object; Threatening to harm or harming children or animals
Intimidation: Being subjected to reckless or dangerous driving; Being abandoned in dangerous places; Intentionally locked out of home; Smashing or throwing objects; "In Your Face" screaming; Pulling punches; Glaring; Giving "The Look"
Verbal Abuse:
Belittling ("Why did you think you could do that!"); Berating ("You are such an idiot!"); Blaming ("It's all your fault!"); Shaming ("If you really loved me . . . If you were a better mother!"); Being called names such as lazy, stupid, ugly, fat, worthless; Being subjected to constant criticism; Being subjected to public and/or private humiliation
Emotional Abuse:
Treated Like A Child: Continually "In Trouble"; Little, if any, decision making power; Treated like property or an object; Little or no communication; Ignored
Isolation: Forbidden to: Make or take calls; Leave the house; Have a job; Attend school; Speak or spend time with family; Socialize; Have friends
Punishment: Withholding love, affection or appreciation; Threatening homicide/suicide; Threatening abandonment or divorce; Threatening to call police or social services; Threatening to kidnap children, gain sole custody, or remove children from victim's care; Threatening to harm or kill family, friends, pets; Stalking
Sexual Abuse
Insecurity: Jealousy; Continual suspicion and interrogation of unfounded infidelity and promiscuity; Demanding to know every detail of every relationship victim has had
Use of Force: Rape; Unwanted fondling or touching; Coerced to engage in sexual practices that are painful, feel shameful or uncomfortable; Forced to have sex while others watch; Forced to have sex with objects; Forced to have sex after beatings; Forced to watch pornography; Forced to dress in a fashion that is more sexual or provocative than desired
Intimidation and Humiliation: Groped or inappropriately touched in front of children; Present when partner displays sexual interest in others; Told degrading anti-woman jokes; Sexual innuendo; Demonstrates disgust for a woman's monthly cycle and other female functions
Economic Abuse
Control: Made to ask for all money; No access to cash, checkbook, or credit cards; No access to, or kept in ignorance of, family's financial documents and records; No voice in financial decisions; Must account for all money spent, sometimes providing receipts and detailed explanations; Made to turn over entire paycheck; Allowed to only take employment deemed suitable by the abuser; Harassed at work; Forced to quit job; Not allowed to work; Not allowed to gain further education; Forced to work while partner refuses to work; Ruined credit; Refusal to pay child support
These five forms of abuse:
Physical Abuse
Verbal Abuse
Emotional Abuse
Sexual Abuse
Economic Abuse
Come Together To Form
The Hand Of Abuse
Which In Turn Creates
The Fist Of Domestic Violence.
Copyright: Jane Okasaki, 2011
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